Breaking up with the one we love is indeed heavy. Getting over it is not as easy to do as saying it. Nevertheless, no matter how bad it seems our situation is, we can always learn something from it. And from your writing, you seem to have learned and accepted the lessons from being overly jealous and possessive. That would serve as a good start for having better relationships in the future.

About your ex's reluctance to meet you, hmm... you should be more patient. Having experience with an overly possessive man is often very traumatizing for many girls. Give her time to heal and in the mean time, retrospect yourself. You know what your problem is: jealousy that eventually led to overly possessive attitude toward your girlfriend. Depending on how you two broke up, she may not ever let you come into her life again unless you can convince her and prove to her that you have changed, that you are no longer a jealous, needy man that always needs constant attention from her.

I don't know whether your jealousy supported by solid evidence or not. But there are too many cases where an overmuch jealousy in fact does not have any solid evidence to support it. All the suspicions and accusations, when carefully investigated, based only on prejudices, lack of trusts and insecurity.

This baseless jealousy, although it can appear in many forms, is always rooted in little or small self-confidence. So, if this is the kind of jealousy you have, to deal with it, first of all, you must deal with your lack of confidence problem because if not, you would not be able to help yourself feeling that jealousy again in the next relationship, no matter how good and honest your next girlfriend is.

To help you overcome that lack of confidence problem, read this article on how to build your self confidence. And to expand your horizon about the problem, you can also read this articles about how to deal with jealousy.

Indeed, getting over a break up takes time. But eventually you will. About how long it will take and how miserable your life will be, it all depends on you. A wise aphorism says, "Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional".